It Was All Just A Blur


I started the day out with great intentions.  I haven’t been feeling the best but I still had plans to conquer chores around the house and leave myself enough time to be able to sit down in front of the computer and put things together.

My big mistake was checking my work e-mail. I still don’t know why I decided to do that at 9a.m. I became seriously pissed off. It was all down hill from there. I decided to call off and take what we refer to as a “Mental Health Day”.

It was also my first day back to work after my three days off. This makes me the “douche bag of the day” for that little stunt. It’s a minor crime to take an extra day off at any point in your rotation.  I just seriously couldn’t stand the thought of being at work, stewing about what was going on while forced to listen to the new guy cough and clear his throat all night.

I was caught up in  another one of those moments that I have had over and over where I question my station in life and consider making major changes regardless of crazy things like money and responsibility.

I sent a few texts, I answered the e-mail and I made a phone call. Angry. Hurt. Confused. AKA, “the usual”. I’ve been such a good sport for the past two years but that idea of keeping a positive outlook is waning.  I feel doomed.

Then I checked Twitter and saw that we lost two police officers in Orlando, Florida. This can catapult me into outer space while I mourn for people that I have never met and consider the state of our country and the world around  us.

It set the tone for the rest of the day.

When I allow myself to slip into this state of mind, it’s hard to pull myself back out of it. I tried to watch a program on tv and take a nap to shake off the angry feelings. It didn’t work. I ended up cleaning in the basement and listening to the new track from The Weekend, called “Starboy”, over and over.

It’s my jam right now.  You should check it out.

Now here it is, 8pm and I haven’t started what I wanted to hours ago.

I need to have my mind set in a particular place where I can sit down and focus. I want to give all of my attention to ideas that swim in my mind. All morning up until that point where I allowed myself to get distracted, my ideas were practically beating themselves on the walls of my brain.

The day was mostly a blur. I should’ve just gone outside and taken a walk. That would’ve cleared my head better than anything.  Oh well, at least my laundry is done and the basement is clean.

The pages of the chapter I am writing for my story however, are still blank.

I have been sitting down for a few minutes going over my notes and listening to the sound of rain falling, thanks to an app called “Relax Oriental”. There is a free version of the app available in the Apple store. I do not know if there is an Android version available. I am sure that there is something similar.  I find it useful.

I have two hours of time allotted to work on my notes and try to get some words down in my story. It’s still as exciting to me today as it was when I shared about it a few days ago when I wrote about it in Breaking Free- Goodbye To Writers Block

As usual, I just need to relax and stop letting the outside influences bother me so much.


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